The "Damn Florida" Thread...

[Superstretch18]

OK, I've officially had enough. Everytime you turn around there is some news about crazy stupid crap happening in Florida. Now that this is my home state, I'm going to honor it by posting all of the rediculous crap I read about it here. Please feel free to contribute if you find something too.

[astraelraen]

I found something ridiculous!

Damn Florida, it never gets below 70F

[Superstretch18]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0903081pants1.html

Caught With His Pants Down
Florida man nabbed for violating city's new baggy trouser ordinance

SEPTEMBER 3--Meet Kenneth Smith. The Florida man, 29, was arrested yesterday for wearing baggy pants. Smith was busted by Riviera Beach cops for violating a city ordinance governing low-slung trousers (or, legally speaking, "exposure of undergarment in public"). According to a Riviera Beach Police Department affidavit, cops were investigating a report of a man selling drugs from a parked Chevy Impala when they spotted Smith standing beside the vehicle. As Officer B. Jackson noted in the report, Smith's brown and white plaid shorts "were so low that it exposed his blue and white boxer shorts approximately two inches below his waist." Smith, who was also charged with disorderly conduct, could be fined up to $150 on the pants charge. In a bid to criminalize a fashion style popularized by urban youth and hip-hop fans, Riviera Beach voters approved the new ordinance earlier this year. While first offenders like Smith only face a monetary hit, if a baggy pants devotee gets nabbed more than once, he/she could face up to 30 days in jail.

[Superstretch18]

http://www.wjno.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=244038&article=4117332

TS Fay Slams Kite Surfer - Video

Fort Lauderdale resident Kevin Kearney is in critical condition Tuesday after attempting to kite surf in Tropical Storm Fay.

[Superstretch18]

http://www.local6.com/news/16975929/detail.html

Voodoo Doll Prompts Extra Security For Commissioners
Pin-Stuck Doll Left At Official's Home

DELTONA, Fla. -- A menacing voodoo doll with an official's face attached and pins stuck in its body has prompted extra sheriff's protection for city commissioners, Local 6 has learned.

A burned-looking voodoo doll recently appeared in the yard of Commissioner Zenaida Denizac.

A photo of Denizac's face was taped to the doll's head and several pins were stuck in its body.

Since the discovery, the sheriff's office has increased its presence outside of Denizac's home and those of other commissioners over the weekend.

Volusia County deputies said they are trying to ensure the safety of Deltona city commissioners.

A commissioner learned of the added security when he found a deputy looking in his recycle bin, Local 6 reported.

"I feel totally violated. Somebody came into my property," Denizac said during an earlier interview. "For me it’s very difficult."

[Superstretch18]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0619082botox1.html

End Of Line For "Botox Bandit"
Florida cops nab woman who stiffed spa after receiving treatment

JUNE 19--The Botox Bandit has been busted. Florida police today arrested Kellie Thomas, 23, for grand theft after she allegedly received Botox treatments from a Port St. Lucie cosmetic surgeon earlier this month and then skipped out on her $1225 bill. Thomas, pictured in the below police photo, was nabbed a day after cops released before and after images snapped June 10 at the Porlaro Hair and Cosmetic Surgery center. Those images triggered numerous calls from citizens who recognized Thomas, the latest perp charged with pulling a "dine and dash" on a Botox bill. According to an arrest affidavit, Thomas, using the alias Ashley Parker, had Botox procedures on her "lower eyes" and left the cosmetic surgery office without paying (cops previously reported that the woman told a receptionist that she left her credit card in her car and would return with it to pay her bill). When cops arrested Thomas at her home today, she acknowledged receiving the Botox treatments and claimed that she "intended on paying the doctor later." Following her bust, Thomas was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail.

[Superstretch18]

I found something ridiculous!

Damn Florida, it never gets below 70F

You must mean crazy awesome! ;)

[Raider]

Pretty much anything daily on Fark...

[Superstretch18]

You can't make this stuff up:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080903/ap_on_fe_st/odd_cross_dressing_thief

Cross-dressing thief leaves fake breast behind

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Police in Port St. Lucie are on the lookout for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse. As if that weren't odd enough, they're depending on a strange clue. The suspect left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast.

The woman said she believed the thief followed her while shopping. A witness told investigators he was wearing a short denim skirt and black tube top, and fled in a silver car with two other male crossdressers.

Police are processing the condom for fingerprint and DNA evidence.

[Raider]

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/treasurecoast/sfl-903restroom,0,1421614.story



A gas station owner told police Monday he was pummeled by a man who came out of the restroom and shouted, "You don't have any toilet paper," according to a police report released Tuesday.

The 57-year-old owner of the BP station in the 8800 block of Southeast U.S. 1 told police that when the man walked in he headed "straight into the bathroom."

Minutes later, the man walked out and started verbally assaulting him. The restroom-goer began knocking over displays and shouted, "You don't have any toilet paper."

The owner told the man to leave, but he began hitting the owner "with his fist and whatever else the suspect could grab."

The station owner said he was calling the police after the man let go of his shirt. The assailant then ran out of the store

[CX7Kristen]

Can I just say I would rather have "damn florida" than f***ing Illinios!!! I hate this godforsaken state. Roads suck, drivers are horrible, speed limit blows(55) and no higher! I WANNA GO HOME!!!

[Raider]

We have been trying to sell our starter home for over a year. If you want a dirt cheap house, and want to move to the Plywood State again, PM me!

[CX7Kristen]

Dude you live out in the sticks! I want my city, nice little skyline of Jax!

[Raider]

That is where my wife teaches. Trying to get up there, or even in Saint Augustine.

[Superstretch18]

More funny than anything, this one is actually a five minute drive from my house. I just love the article's title!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0905081ocho1.html

A Bengal Changes His Stripes
NFL star joins Dick, Schmuck, Queer, Doody in procuring a new surname

SEPTEMBER 5--In time for this week's start of the NFL season, All-Pro wide receiver Chad Johnson has legally changed his surname to OchoCinco, in recognition of his uniform number. A Florida judge last week approved the Cincinnati Bengals's name change application, a copy of which you'll find below. In Broward County Circuit Court documents, the limelight-loving Johnson, who has long referred to himself by the rough Spanish translation for 85, his uniform number, describes himself as a twice-arrested unmarried father of four (his kids include Chad II, Chade, and Cha'iel). Johnson's request was granted August 28, so he will be wearing a jersey with his new surname when the Bengals open their season Sunday in Baltimore against the Ravens. While amusing, the 30-year-old athlete's legal application was hardly as pressing (or warranted) as some other name change filings TSG has gathered. As seen in these additional documents, prior petitioners were born with such unfortunate names like Fuk King, Dick, Doody, Schmuck, Queer, Suckey, Pinas, Porn, Fukova, and Ralph Lif****z (who changed his name to Ralph Lauren). Yes, that Ralph Lauren.

[Superstretch18]

hahahahahahahah!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0630082sausage1.html

Man Battered Mom With Sausage

Cops: Three pounds of Polish links hurled in Florida dispute
JUNE 30--Meet Gregory Praeger. The Florida man, 46, is facing a battery charge for allegedly striking his mother in the head with a pack of Polish sausage. Praeger flung the three-pound package during an argument Saturday night, according to a DeLand Police Department report. The woman, who told cops that her son had been drinking at the time of the dispute, was grazed with the sausage, but not harmed. In an interview with cops, Praeger, pictured below in a mug shot snapped at the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, admitted pulling the pork stunt.

[Superstretch18]

Nasty!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1105072jenkem1.html

Florida sheriff's bulletin warns of purported new human waste high

NOVEMBER 5--We're not sure what they're inhaling down in Collier County, Florida, but here's the bizarre "information bulletin" prepared by the local sheriff's intelligence bureau about a purported "new drug" favored by the kids. It's an inhalant called "Jenkem," and causes hallucinations and a "euphoric high." Of course, as the bulletin notes, Jenkem users dislike its sewagey taste, which can last for days. That's because Jenkem's active ingredients are urine and fecal matter, hence its street names like "Butthash" and "Fruit from Crack Pipe." Click here to see a video report on Jenkem, via Breitbart.tv. We've tried to speak with the bulletin's author, Lieutenant Al Ganich, but he has not returned TSG calls. Perhaps he's realized that his "CONFIDENTIAL" September 26 report--which is authentic, according to a sheriff's official--may be itself full of ****. Ganich's alert reminds us of a New York Fire Department memo from a chief who also apparently never heard of snopes.com.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/1105072jenkem1.jpg

[Superstretch18]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0911081baggy1.html

The Baggy Pants Posse
Florida crackdown nets 11 more perps for exposing their boxer shorts

SEPTEMBER 11--Last week we brought word of the arrest of Kenneth Smith, a Florida man busted for wearing baggy pants that exposed his boxer shorts. Well, it turns out that the Riviera Beach cops have been rather diligent in enforcing a new city ordinance targeting droopy shorts and trousers, according to police reports. Since officers began their crackdown last month, they have arrested at least 11 other baggy pants perps (of that group, two are juveniles). Below you'll find mug shots of eight of the other nine arrestees, aged between 18 and 36. As seen in a series of Riviera Beach Police Department probable cause affidavits, each of the males was nabbed after officers determined that low-slung pants or shorts had resulted in the exposure of between two and five inches of the individual offender's boxer shorts. While most of the busts occurred without incident, a few of the arrestees appeared bewildered that they were being arrested for a trouser-related offense. One of the juveniles, in fact, cursed out Officer J. Thornton and said, according to one affidavit, "Your a cracker and ain't got **** better to do." First-time violators of ordinance 12-3043 face a fine of up to $150. Repeat offenders could be sentenced to a maximum of 30 days in jail.

[Superstretch18]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0714081toilet1.html

Cops: Woman Battered Beau With Toilet Seat
Floridian, 18, attacked after finding boyfriend smoking crack in loo

JULY 14--Meet Kimberlee Ann Cole and Joel Goldsmith. The Florida woman, 18, allegedly assaulted her boyfriend with a toilet seat after finding him smoking crack in a bathroom of their home Friday afternoon. Cole told cops she battered Goldsmith, 24, after he "refused to give her the drugs," according to an arrest affidavit prepared by Fort Pierce police. Goldsmith "refused to stop smoking the drugs and Ms. Cole hit [him] with the toilet seat," the affidavit notes. As the couple--parents to an eight-month-old boy--scuffled in the bathroom, Goldsmith dropped a cocaine rock in the shower and Cole tried to wash it down the drain. Responding to a 911 call placed by a female roommate of the pair, police found blood on the bathroom's walls, floor, and toilet. They also recovered a broken toilet seat, though the affidavit does not indicate whether it was broken over Goldsmith's head or was in disrepair prior to the July 11 incident. In the shower, investigators found a "small amount of a substance" which field tested positive for cocaine. Cole and Goldsmith, pictured in the mug shots below, were charged, respectively, with domestic battery and cocaine possession. Goldsmith, who would not tell cops what happened in the bathroom, suffered two lacerations on his forehead (and smaller cuts) during the confrontation.

[Superstretch18]

http://www.cfnews13.com/Entertainment/OffbeatHeadlines/2008/9/15/fla._police_use_taser_on_nude_man_walking_a_dog.ht ml

Fla. police use Taser on nude man walking a dog

TALLAHASSEE, Fla.(AP)

A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude was Tasered by police when he refused to follow an officer's commands. David McCranie of the Tallahassee Police Department said an officer on patrol spotted the man shortly after 8 p.m. Friday.

The man was asked what he was doing and told the officer, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog," McCranie said.

McCranie said using the Taser was the only way to subdue the man without having to hurt him. The man was then sent for mental-health evaluation and treatment.

[Superstretch18]

And more in the ongoing "saggy pants" ban saga:

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/localnews/content/local_news/epaper/2008/09/15/0912saggy.html

Judge: Riviera Beach 'saggy pants' ban unconstitutional
By ELIOT KLEINBERG

Monday, September 15, 2008

RIVIERA BEACH — A judge says Riviera Beach's "saggy pants" law is unconstitutional in the case of a 17-year-old who spent a night in jail for having his underwear showing.

And a public defender said her office wants to get the law tossed altogether.

In Riviera Beach, a first offense carries a $150 fine or a requirement of community service.
Julius Hart was charged Wednesday when an officer spotted him riding his bicycle in the 2800 block of Lakeshore Drive with 4 to 5 inches of blue and black boxer shorts sticking out of his black pants.

A first offense carries a $150 fine or a requirement of community service; only habitual offenders face the possibility of jail time.

But, a report said, the charge against Hart meant a violation of his probation on a marijuana possession charge, so he went to jail.

"Somebody help me," Palm Beach Circuit Judge Paul Moyle said.

"We're not talking about exposure of buttocks. No! We're talking about someone who has on pants whose underwear are apparently visible to a police officer who then makes an arrest and the basis is he's then held overnight, no bond. No bond!" the judge exclaimed.

"Your honor, we now have the fashion police," public defender Carol Bickerstaff said. "Our office really does intend to appeal this ordinance, which we believe is totally unconstitutional."

Moyle ruled the law unconstitutional "based on the limited facts of this case." Instead of issuing bail, the judge released Hart on his own recognizance.

Asked how this will affect the law overall, Riviera Beach's city attorney deferred to the police legal counsel and the mayor, Bishop Thomas Masters. Masters referred calls to city spokeswoman Rose Anne Brown, who said the city hadn't yet seen the ruling and couldn't comment.

Technically, the charge is not yet dropped; a new arraignment is set for Oct. 5.

"The first time I saw this particular fashion, I disliked it, and then I realized I'm getting old," Bickerstaff told the judge.

"You can have Speedo underwear, which is way less than boxer shorts, and that is perfectly legal, but boxer shorts, with pants over them, is not?" Moyle asked.

Bickerstaff quipped, "It's like a Monty Python skit."

City voters had approved the law in March by a 72 percent tally, after Masters lobbied heavily for it, helping collect 4,769 signatures to put the measure on the ballot.

The saggy pants fad surfaced in jail, when juvenile offenders wore overly large prison garb that sagged, exposing their underwear. It later became a fashion statement among rappers and remains popular in urban communities across the country.

[Alpha Wolf]

Man you are making me feel like not all the crazys came to California..

[Superstretch18]

Man you are making me feel like not all the crazys came to California..

LOL! Mind you, I'm not going out to look for these. I just stumble on something else crazy almost every day!

Here's one more!

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/palmbeach/sfl-916lakeworthfight,0,7403708.story

Lake Worth worker accused of using saw, shovel in fight over girl
By Brian Haas | Sun-Sentinel.com

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/media/photo/2008-09/42387704.JPG

LAKE WORTH - A Lake Worth man is in jail without bond after authorities say he attacked co-workers at a construction site with a circular saw and a shovel in an argument over a girl.

Hugo Garcia, 29, is charged with attempted murder and two counts of aggravated battery.

Garcia was working on a construction site at 12223 5th St. S. west of Lake Worth before 11 a.m. Monday when he picked up a circular saw and started cutting a co-worker's back, according to an arrest report.

Gerson Chun, screamed and stumbled away. Another co-worker, Cesar Agustin, unplugged the saw.

South Florida Crime & Safety Garcia dropped the saw, picked up a shovel and hacked at Agustin's torso, the report said.

Garcia ran away, but was caught by Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office deputies.

Garcia confessed to detectives he attacked his co-workers because of an argument over a girl named Olga, the report said.

Authorities arrested him on a charge of attempted murder and two counts of aggravated battery. He was being held without bond in the county jail.

[glyphon]

and for me, the love-bugs alone are reason enough to not like florida.

for those that have never experienced it, these bugs, mate in June (i think), and when they do, a male and female couples while flying, and there are literally millions of the things in the air. so, if you are driving, it is like a heavy down pour of exploding bugs. and you have to wash the guts off as quickly as possible, because otherwise the remains can damage your paint.

no, i'm not kidding.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Lovebugs.jpg

not a good video, but best driving video i can find.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGDLHnVcGk0

not driving, but better shows the volume of bugs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZj3sCtet70

[Superstretch18]

Speaking of bugs:

http://www.local6.com/news/17500032/detail.html

Cockroaches 'Rain Down' On Officer, Cover Child In House Of Filth
Police Report Reads Like Horror Novel

LEESBURG, Fla. -- Thousands of cockroaches rained down on an officer and were spotted crawling over an infant inside a Central Florida house of filth.

The police report about the house reads like a horror novel, Local 6 reported.

The report described thousands of cockroaches swarming inside the structure. An officer wrote that he had to jump back when he opened a refrigerator because of the number of "roaches that rained down on him."

Roaches were also inside the cupboards and crawling all over the child in her crib.

Photographs showed soiled diapers, clothes and other items covering the home.

There was no ventilation inside the home, only two fans.

The police report said that a sickly smell surrounded the outside of the structure.

Local 6 showed inside images of a sink full of dirty dishes and a floor so covered in debris that the officers said they could barely walk through the home.

The 2-year-old was removed from the home and her parents, Chappell and Seevers, were taken into custody.

It is believed that the family had only lived in the home for about four months.

Pictures:
[urlhttp://www.local6.com/slideshow/news/17500166/detail.html[/url]

[Superstretch18]

http://www.local6.com/news/17509898/detail.html

Woman Gets Life For Sex With 5-Year-Old
SANFORD, Fla. -- A Florida woman will spend the rest of her life in prison for having sex with a 5-year-old boy.

A garbage collector found the sex tapes in the trash and turned them over to police.

When Lumadue took the stand, she said her husband -- who is a professional pornographer -- made her do it.

The victim did not testify during the case. He said he doesn't remember what happened.

http://www.local6.com/2008/0919/17509878.jpg

[Superstretch18]

http://www.local10.com/news/17542408/detail.html

Warning: Fort Lauderdale Water May Be Contaminated

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- Residents who get their water from the city of Fort Lauderdale are being asked to watch their water use for the next 24 hours.

The city was performing maintenance at a water treatment plant on Tuesday afternoon when an oil-based substance accidentally spilled into an open basin. The pumps were immediately shut down.

The city is testing the water to make sure water quality is not affected.

In addition to Fort Lauderdale, Lauderdale-By-The-Sea, Oakland Park, Port Everglades, Sea Ranch Lakes, Wilton Manors and sections of Davie and Tamarac are also affected.

Residents are asked to use bottled water for drinking and cooking. Do not drink tap water, even if it is boiled.

The city asked residents to limit water use to help maintain water pressure.

If you have questions, you can call the city's 24-hour hotline 954-828-8000.

[Superstretch18]

http://www.local6.com/news/17554307/detail.html

Police May Stop Responding To Some Crimes
Budget Crunch Forces Move To Be Considered

PALM BAY, Fla. -- A budget crunch in Palm Bay could mean city residents who forget to secure car doors or close garages will get only a case number and nothing in terms of a visit by patrol officers if something is stolen.

The possible policy revision is part of a wider cost-cutting look at the Palm Bay Police Department's $20 million annual budget, Local 6 News partner Florida Today reported.

"We're looking very seriously at the types of calls we would go to," Palm Bay Police Chief Bill Berger said. "Still, about 85 to 90 percent of the people who've had their cars broken into left the car doors open. But, obviously, if it's an actual break-in, we'll respond."

The potential move is seen as an unusual step.

Other surrounding agencies -- such as Melbourne Police Department -- continue to respond to similar vehicle break-in calls.

Berger, however, pointed out that his agency has been hit hard by higher fuel costs and a cut in revenue. Earlier this year, Berger implemented a number of cost-saving efforts, including a no-idling policy for patrol cars.

"Certainly, Amendment 1 had an impact," Berger said, referring to the sweeping, statewide property-tax ballot item voters approved earlier this year. "The big promise was that it wouldn't affect public safety, but it has."

The department likely will lose four police officer positions -- all held for officers either working or serving in the military in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Those officers will have their jobs when they return, but we're having to keep those positions vacant," Berger said.

Also under review will be whether officers who take home marked patrol cars will need to pay for their own gas or reimburse the city about 50 cents for every mile driven away from work.

Berger said he also is working hard to keep the department's nontaxpayer-funded programs running, including its DNA database program that uses officers to collect blood, saliva and other biological evidence at crime scenes.

Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.

[Monotonous ONE]

Man i love this state

[Superstretch18]

Man i love this state

LOL! Me too! Look, even our elected officials are nuts!
(PS, this is not an invitation to talk politics. Any off-off-topic posts will be deleted...)

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalradar/2008/09/florida-congres.html

Florida Congressman: Palin 'Don't Care Too Much What They Do With Jews and Blacks'
September 24, 2008 6:21 PM

ABC News' Teddy Davis Reports: Florida Democratic Congressman Alcee Hastings pointed to Sarah Palin on Wednesday to rally Jews to Obama.

"If Sarah Palin isn’t enough of a reason for you to get over whatever your problem is with Barack Obama, then you damn well had better pay attention," said Hastings. "Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don’t care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through."

...Asked about the Hastings criticism, Palin spokeswoman Maria Comella said, "We’re taking a pass."...

[Monotonous ONE]

Man i love this state...haha

[Superstretch18]

http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2008/9/24/woman_found_bloodied_beaten_blames_voodoo_cult.htm l

Woman Found Bloodied, Beaten Blames Voodoo Cult
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 7:20:41 AM

PALM COAST -- A Palm Coast woman found beaten and lying on the side of the road in St. Johns County said members of a voodoo cult are responsible.

According to the Daytona Beach News-Journal, Michelle Wood was found covered in blood with both eyes swollen shut early Monday. The police report states five men and a woman tied a rope around Wood’s right wrist. They also tied a bungee cord around her left ankle.

Wood said she used a pocket knife to cut the rope off her wrist after the Sunday attack.

Wood told investigators she was once a member of a Santeria voodoo group in Flagler County, but since she left to join the Christian faith, she has been threatened, abducted and beaten.

And the update:

http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2008/9/26/detectives_womans_claims_on_voodoo_cult_attack_unf ounded.html

Detectives: Woman’s Claims On Voodoo Cult Attack Unfounded
Saturday, September 27, 2008 1:47:35 AM

PALM COAST -- Flagler County detectives said they've closed the case of a woman who claimed to be abducted and attacked by members of a voodoo occult group.

A bloodied Michelle Wood was found Monday lying on the side of U.S. 1 in St. Johns County.

However, investigators said they couldn't find any evidence to back up her story, and are now calling her claims unfounded.

Wood reportedly has a history of making up similar stories.

OK, so are they going to look into who beat this woman then? :confused:

[Superstretch18]

This is crazy:

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/5min/story/707023.html

Owner saves dog from shark's jaws
A Florida Keys man punched a shark to save his dog from becoming a meal. The rat terrier named Jake, who was badly bitten, is expected to recover.

Photos By CAMMY CLARK
cclark@MiamiHerald.com
ISLAMORADA -- Greg LeNoir watched in horror as the shark's mouth opened wide, chomping a large set of teeth on his beloved 14-pound dog, Jake.

''Noooooo,'' LeNoir shrieked, fearing the worst.

But the case of the rat terrier vs. the shark has a happy ending.

''Jake's doing great,'' LeNoir's brother, Phillip, said Monday. ``And I still can't believe my brother jumped in the water and punched a shark.''

The saga began Friday afternoon when Greg LeNoir took Jake to the Worldwide Sportsman's Bayside Marina pier in Islamorada for the dog's daily swim. LeNoir said Jake is a fast and fearless swimmer, often retrieving jellyfish and soaked coconuts.

But this time, Jake, a 28-month-old dog adopted from an animal shelter, unexpectedly encountered the shark, which was about five feet long. As Jake disappeared under the water, LeNoir conquered his own fear and sprang to action.

''I clenched my fists and dove straight in with all my strength, like a battering ram,'' LeNoir, 53, said Sunday, reliving the frightening ordeal. ``I hit the back of the shark's neck. It was like hitting concrete.''

Sharks are not uncommon in the marina, which is near the Islamorada Fish Co.'s open sal****er pool that attracts large tarpon.

LeNoir, a finish carpenter who lives in Islamorada, said he concluded the creature was either a bull shark or lemon shark after describing it to local fishermen and another brother, Louie, a shark-tooth collector in Orlando.

LeNoir's wife of 17 years, Tessalee, said she wasn't shocked by her husband's heroics. ''People know him as Dr. Doolittle,'' she said. ``He's the one who climbs up a tree to save a possum.''

Lenoir added: 'We have no children. Jake became our child. When I saw the shark engulf him, I thought, `This can't be the end.' ''

The shark let go of Jake, and the dog popped to the surface, frantically swimming the few yards to shore. LeNoir followed, paddling through a red trail of blood from the dog.

At VCA Upper Keys Animal Hospital in Islamorada, veterinarian Suzanne Sigel and emergency on-call assistant Callie Cottrell patched Jake's wounds.

''Amazingly, he wasn't critical,'' Sigel said. ``He's one lucky dog.''

The shark's teeth punctured Jake's skin and some muscle on the dog's abdomen, chest and back in a pattern that looked like ''an upside-down smile,'' Sigel said.

Jake also suffered lacerations on his right side and front left leg, with skin hanging like ribbons, LeNoir said.

''The shark put almost all of Jake in his mouth, except for his head and three of his legs,'' LeNoir said.

Sigel reexamined Jake on Monday and said the pooch is expected to recover.

''He looks great and is recuperating well,'' she said. ``I was worried he may have inhaled salt water when he was pulled under, but there's no evidence of infection or pneumonia. He's healing great.''

[Superstretch18]

I saw the title for this article and somehow knew that it was from Florida...

http://www.wftv.com/news/17592463/detail.html

Teacher Fired After Asking Her Students For Massages
POSTED: 4:38 pm EDT September 30, 2008
UPDATED: 9:57 am EDT October 1, 2008

KISSIMMEE, Fla. -- An Osceola County teacher is out of a job after parents started complaining. They said she asked third grade students to give her massages. One mother told Eyewitness News the touching going in the Kissimmee Charter Academy classroom was highly inappropriate.

In Donna Coulter's third grade class, each student had a job. It could be cleaning the room, organizing books or taking out the trash, but one task really upset parents.

"One of the jobs she was giving was to give her massages," said parent Stacey Vazquez.

Stacey told Eyewitness News almost couldn't believe what her son was telling her until he showed her what another student was asked to do.

"Like this," Stacey explained, rubbing her son's back. "Like that. So, like rubbing her back, like near the shoulders."

While it was nowhere near sexual, Vazquez said the contact was highly inappropriate. Apparently, Kissimmee Charter Academy agreed.

While school administrators did not want to go on camera, they did tell Eyewitness News that effective Tuesday Coulter no longer works there. They sent home a note to parents saying, "Due to unforeseen circumstance, Ms. Coulter will no longer be teaching your student in the third grade."

The school will not say exactly why it fired Coulter, because it is a "personnel matter." Whatever the case, Stacey said administrators made the right decision.

"That's disturbing, because there is a line between a teacher and a child and a child and a teacher," she said.

School officials say they've already replaced Coulter with a new teacher.

Eyewitness News was unable to locate Donna Coulter to get a comment. Her personnel file will be available Wednesday to see if there were any other problems.

[Monotonous ONE]

teachers deserve to be treated with more respect



shoulda had those kids kiss/wash her feet

[Raider]

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20081002/NEWS/810020299/1105
Fort Myers man shoots own arm after being denied sex
FORT MYERS, Fla. – Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him.

The Lee County Sheriff's Office reports that 29-year-old Jonathon Guabello and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning. The girlfriend told deputies that Guabello had wanted to get intimate, but she wanted to go to sleep.

When Guabello became irate, authorities say the girlfriend went to a spare bedroom, and several minutes later she heard two gunshots. She told deputies Guabello came into her room and threatened her. He then stumbled into the kitchen and knocked himself unconscious.

Guabello was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He was being held on $100,000 bail.

[Superstretch18]

^^^ You can't tell me that you've never felt that way! :D

This is the part that got me though:

...Jonathon Guabello and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning...

[Raider]

yeah, that is a pretty good side note.

[Superstretch18]

This just pisses me off:

http://www.local6.com/news/17697216/detail.html

Baby Dangled Upside Down By Feet Outside Vehicle During Carjacking

POSTED: 7:58 am EDT October 12, 2008

ORMOND BEACH, Fla. -- A 10-month-old baby was dangled upside down by her feet outside a sport utility vehicle during a Central Florida carjacking.

"He unbuckled the baby and held her up by her feet outside the car," carjacking victim Alyssa Gould said. "He had the gun at me the whole time and I thought for sure that was it and he was going to shoot us."

Gould said she was ambushed while she sat in her Isuzu Trooper at the intersection of Domicilio Avenue and North Street Beach in Ormond beach over the weekend.

"The next thing I know, this guy is at my door and he opens up my driver's side door and sticks a gun in my side," Gould said.

Gould said her screams got to the carjacker and the man shoved her out of SUV but the man continued to keep the child.

She said she was then forced to beg for her baby girl's life before the child was released.

The SUV ran out of gas a few miles away.

The carjacker fled on foot and remains on the loose, police said.

Gould warned parents to think safety in all Central Florida neighborhoods.

"Make sure your doors are looked when you are driving around, even if you're in a safe neighborhood," Gould said.

Ormond Beach police released a composite of the assailant, who was described as having shoulder-length brown hair, a thin face with pockmarks and a bulb-shaped nose.

http://www.local6.com/2008/1013/17702388_240X180.jpg

Anyone with information concerning the incident is urged to call Crimeline at 800-423-TIPS.

[Superstretch18]

On a lighter note, one of my co-workers just sent me this story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27167122/?GT1=43001

Cops: Man tries to pay for meal with pot
McDonald's cashier calls 911 after drive-thru customer makes offer

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/081014-shawn-pannullo-vsmall.vsmall.jpg

VERO BEACH, Fla. - A McDonald's cashier called 911 after a Vero Beach drive-thru customer allegedly offered to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said the cashier called Monday with a description of the vehicle the suspect had been riding in.

A deputy spotted the vehicle, found marijuana in the car and arrested its occupant, 27-year-old Shawn Alexander Pannullo.

Pannullo was charged with possession of cannabis and posted $500 bail. It was unclear if he had an attorney.

A sheriff's report did not say what the suspect ordered at McDonald's or if he ultimately purchased the meal using something other than marijuana.

[Superstretch18]

I love that the strip club is called "The Booby Trap":

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/localnews/content/local_news/epaper/2008/10/16/1016stripclub.html

Margate man sues strip club, claims flying stiletto caused injuries

By JON BURSTEIN

South Florida Sun-Sentinel

Thursday, October 16, 2008

An exotic dancer. A pole. A high heel.

And now a lawsuit.


A Margate man is suing a Pompano Beach strip club after he says a performer's shoe flew off during a pole dance, shattering the mirrored ceiling and causing glass, as well as the shoe, to hit him.


The Booby Trap breached "its duty when its employee failed to perform her routine in (a) reasonably safe manner," according to the Broward Circuit Court lawsuit filed by Charles Privette, 35.


He is seeking at least $15,000 in damages.


Privette's attorney, Omar Demetriou, said his client suffered a small laceration to his eyebrow, headaches and nose bleeds as a result of the Jan. 14 pole dance.


What exactly caused the dancer's shoe to fly off is unclear, Demetriou said.


Booby Trap general manager George Gettinger acknowledged such an incident happened and paramedics were called.


The emergency responders were not too worried about Privette's injuries, Gettinger said.


"A quote from the paramedics was, 'I can't believe you even called us for this,'" Gettinger said.

[Superstretch18]

Economic woes are hitting crack-heads too:

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/localnews/content/local_news/epaper/2008/10/15/1015slcrack.html

Man jailed after rampage over crack cocaine price increase in Fort Pierce


By ANA X. CERON

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

FORT PIERCE — A rage over a recent price hike in crack cocaine is what landed a man in jail on Tuesday night after he allegedly smashed a convenience store display in protest.

Gus Young Jr. told police he broke a Plexiglas counter partition and a DVD case at Dixon's Food Mart because the price of crack had gone up two-fold, according to a police report. He said he had $10 to spend on the drugs but was told the amount had hiked up to $20.

Young, 46, said he swung his fist at a drug dealer in the store, according to the report, but the dealer ducked and Young hit the partition and the DVD case instead. Both were valued at $1,200, according to the store manager.

When officers talked with Young at around 10:30 p.m., he smelled of alcohol and had been challenging people to fight in the parking lot of the store in the 2400 block of Avenue D, the report states.

Young is being held in the St. Lucie County jail in lieu of $2,750 bail. He faces charges of disorderly intoxication and criminal mischief.

http://img.coxnewsweb.com/C/05/33/69/image_7669335.jpg

[Superstretch18]

This one is actually car related!

http://www.topspeed.com/cars/car-news/a-very-special-audi-rs4-romero-britto-guest-stars-ar65477.html

A very special Audi RS4: Romero Britto guest stars

Audi has got a new body for the A4. With the new RS4 due in 2010, and tough economic times, how is an Audi dealership supposed to get rid of its current supply of the old-style $67,000 sports sedan?

Good idea: use tall inflatable manlike statute to flail arms and attract customers. Better idea: offer deep discounts off sticker price. Best idea: have famous artist Romero Britto use the car to create a one-of-a-kind piece of rolling art.

We spotted this car at a Miami area dealership. It is not a wrap or any kind of shortcut; it’s got raised paint and all. We were not given a final price, but expect to pay over sticker to take this home (his regular paintings go for five and six figures). Britto’s artworks are worth a smaller fortune. He has painted everything from CD covers, to dinnerware, to bikinis and murals. He even has a line of fragrances.

http://pictures.topspeed.com/IMG/crop/200810/a-very-special-audi--1_800x0w.jpg

[Alpha Wolf]

That would make me want one less not more..

Man what a horrible thing to do to a nice car.

[Superstretch18]

That would make me want one less not more..

Man what a horrible thing to do to a nice car.

Agreed. In Miami though, this thing might actually sell. Art deco FTL...

[Alpha Wolf]

Yes you are most likely right .... LMAO

:D

[Raider]

VW did it!

VW did it back in the 90's with their Harlekin edition:
http://www.vwvortex.com/artman/uploads/020_001.jpg

[Superstretch18]

OMG, I see one of those all the time! I assumed that person did that on their own...

[Alpha Wolf]

VW did it!

VW did it back in the 90's with their Harlekin edition:
http://www.vwvortex.com/artman/uploads/020_001.jpg

I remembered those.

The one here sat for over a year on the lot and had to be deeply discounted to finally dump it.

VW/Audi same company really...

[Superstretch18]

http://news-press.com/article/20081016/SS08/810160362/1075

Girl, 9, jailed after Fort Myers classroom outburst
Mother calls arrest extreme, wanted a call

The 9-year-old was out of control.

She was spitting at her teachers, kicking at an officer and lashing out against efforts to restrain her, Fort Myers police said.

She went from a timeout room to a criminal holding cell Tuesday, and faces two counts of felony battery against her teachers at Royal Palm Exceptional School in Fort Myers.

But the girl's mother, Tarina Williams, said the arrest was extreme, especially considering her daughter has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Royal Palm officials said every other alternative at the special-needs school had been exhausted.

At the Department of Children and Families, word of the girl's needs didn't surface until Wednesday.

After her arrest, the girl, who is not being named by The News-Press because of her age, was back in her Lehigh Acres home with Williams, 32, who said she is at a loss. Her daughter also is diagnosed with obsessive oppositional disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. She was transferred to Royal Palm, Williams said, because staff at her previous school couldn't manage her.

"I understand she has problems," Williams said. "She's emotional, she's uptight, and she can be a lot to handle. But she's 9 years old, and she doesn't belong in jail."

Last year, the county's Juvenile Assessment Center processed 19 children younger than 9 for criminal offenses. This year, there have been nine - and 13 who were 10; 21 who were 11.

Williams' daughter was in school Tuesday after a suspension for a prior battery on a teacher. That teacher decided not to press charges. Two hours after she arrived, Fort Myers police Officer Keith Nicholson was called in.

"(The girl) has thrown chairs at the teacher, threatened to stab the teacher, slapped the phone from her hand as she tried to call for help, kicked the teacher and kicked the door into the teacher," Nicholson reported. "... We have tried a multitude of interventions to no success as (she) continues to escalate her behavior."

DCF spokeswoman Erin Gillespie said none of those interventions involved contacting DCF or Lee Mental Health, the county's core agency for mental health treatment.

After further researching the case, the Fort Myers Police Department has issued the following statement today:

“The girl committed two felonies with victims wanting to pursue charge. There was a long history of attempts to deal with the child through the family and the school. This was the end of the line, and it is a very fine line we walk. Now, she can be mandated by a judge to get the assistance she needs.”

School district spokesman Joe Donzelli said it's not that simple. Arrest, he said, is the last option in any case for school staff.

"It's not the goal of the school to have a 9-year-old arrested," Donzelli said. "But there are limitations to what the district can or cannot do. A school district cannot do everything for everybody, and in certain situations, you have to bring in outside assistance.

"Unfortunately, it takes more than picking up a phone and calling an agency. Unfortunately, the way the system is set up, you have to get the legal community involved in order to get the dominoes lined up in order to get the child the help they need."

He said Royal Palm teachers have been trained to educate students with behavioral problems, with a goal of having them return to their original school.

Williams hoped the school would be the best solution for her daughter. The family recently moved from Hendry County, and Williams and her husband have lost three jobs, she said, because they have had to leave work to tend to the girl's school outbursts. Her oldest son also suffers from mental illness, she said. The girl received treatment at a clinic in LaBelle.

Williams said after her daughter was prescribed several medications with no success, doctors began suggesting experimental drugs. Williams didn't agree to that, so treatment ended and the family moved to Lehigh Acres. Williams said she tried to get help from the Ruth Cooper campus of Lee Mental Health, but couldn't get an appointment.

John Gervickas, children's mental health specialist with DCF, spoke with Williams twice Wednesday after The News-Press inquired about the case. He said an appointment for an assessment is being made. While there was DCF involvement with the family before for a claim of neglect, the girl's mental state was never at issue.

Michael McNally, vice president of community relations at Lee Mental Health, said he could not speak specifically on this case, but "given the history and everything else, that would be very surprising to me," McNally said of the girl not receiving help at the agency.

Lee Mental Health serves more adults than children and, while the number of adult patients admitted has increased with the population, he said, treating all children who come hasn't been an issue.

His agency would have had to accept the girl had officer Nicholson chosen to forcibly admit her for mental health care under a law called the Baker Act. But interim Fort Myers Police Chief Doug Baker said there are many stipulations for a Baker Act, especially for children. He was not familiar enough with this case Wednesday to say exactly what happened, but he reiterated the school district's position.

"Sometimes, it is good to get the juvenile court system involved because they can sanction certain types of treatment," Baker said.

"I'm very disappointed with the situation," Williams said. "They're supposed to be qualified to handle her, and they could have restrained her and called me before it ever got to that point. I'm not taking up for her for what she did - that was wrong - but I just don't think jail was the best option."

She wishes there were more services available for parents in her situation.

The state attorney's office will ultimately decide whether the felony charges will stick.

Bill Naylor, director of the Juvenile Assessment Center, said his office often works with the state attorney's office to have cases involving younger juveniles diverted to service programs, especially in cases where mental health is at issue.

"With budget cuts coming from every angle, we have less and less mental health services in the community, and schools are very limited in what they can provide," he said. "That means parents can have a tough time getting services. In the adult system, they have mental health court, similar to drug court. It would be wonderful if we could get the same in the juvenile system, but again, we lack the funding."

[Superstretch18]

VW did it!

VW did it back in the 90's with their Harlekin edition:
http://www.vwvortex.com/artman/uploads/020_001.jpg

I just noticed the plates on this photo: "CLR BLND". Awesome!

[Superstretch18]

http://www.local6.com/news/17765687/detail.html

Woman Jailed Over $7.45 Bill
FORT PIERCE, Fla. -- A woman decided to go to jail rather than pay her bill at a Fort Pierce Waffle House restaurant.

The total she went to jail over: $7.45.

According to a police report, Maryanne O'Neill, 66, ordered coffee and a sandwich at a Waffle House restaurant on Saturday but refused to pay the bill.

The report said an officer asked her to pay or go to jail and she refused.

A jail official says she was released Monday from the St. Lucie County Jail. She is charged with obtaining food or lodging with intent to defraud, a second degree misdemeanor.

If convicted of a second degree misdemeanor

[Superstretch18]

And one more:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1021081tag1.html

TAG! You're Busted
Robbery rap for Florida man who boosted popular body spray

OCTOBER 21--Meet David Mlynick. The Florida man is facing a robbery charge for allegedly stealing TAG body spray from a grocery store and then pulling what appeared to be a gun on a store manager who pursued him into a nearby business. Mlynick, 23, allegedly boosted the deodorant--which is heavily marketed to young men--from a Publix store in Dania Beach, according to a Broward County Sheriff's Office report. The TAG body spray retails for about $4. When Publix employees spotted Mlynick and a friend trying to steal the deodorant, they confronted the second man, who placed the Tag back on a store shelf. After Mlynick left the Publix and entered the Dollar Store next door, he was approached by Publix manager Vincent Harris, who asked for the return of the TAG body spray. Mlynick "responded by becoming belligerent" and pulling out a black handgun, which was subsequently determined to be a BB gun. Mlynick was eventually arrested for robbery and booked into the Broward County jail, where the below mug shot was taken. "Mlynick, who "had deodorant spray on his person" at the time of his arrest, is being held in lieu of $50,000 bond.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/1021081tag1.jpg

[Superstretch18]

http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7779138&version=7&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

Voter docs found on Tampa highway
Last Edited: Monday, 03 Nov 2008, 1:39 PM EST
Created: Monday, 03 Nov 2008, 11:24 AM EST

TAMPA - Election Day isn't even here yet, but we already have our first voting mystery.

Thousands of pages of voter information were found lying along the shoulder of Interstate 4 this morning.

The papers, all with information about Hillsborough County voters, have been cleaned up and taken to a Department of Transportation maintenance facility for now, but voting officials still don't know where they came from.

Transportation workers spotted the nine bags of documents on their traffic cameras along a ramp off I-4 and I-275.

The Hillsborough County supervisor of elections says it did not come from his office, but looks like it may have come from a campaign office or a grassroots effort which drives voters to polling paces. The documents contain names, addresses, phone numbers, and party affiliation, and if the voter needs a ride.

Transportation officials have called the Florida Division of Elections to see if the state office wants to investigate, and are waiting back for a response. If not, the plan is to shred the documents this afternoon.

[Superstretch18]

How did I miss this?

http://www.cfnews13.com/News/Local/2008/7/11/free_beer_friday_in_downtown_orlando_for_skip_work _day.html

Free Beer Friday In Downtown Orlando For “Skip Work Day”
Friday, July 11, 2008 10:08:45 AM

ORLANDO -- A group of businesses in Downtown Orlando wants you to play hooky from work and drink free beer for what it is calling “Skip Work Day.” The event, sponsored by the businesses at Church Street Station, starts at noon Friday. Free beer is being served at Church Street Station until 7 p.m.

[Superstretch18]

This is the same town that I work in!

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-1113rubberball,0,1803154.story

Lauderhill man gets world record for biggest rubber band ball

The Associated Press
9:00 AM EST, November 13, 2008

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/media/photo/2008-11/43336843.jpg

Four years, $10,000 and more than 700,000 rubber bands later, South Florida resident Joel Waul has clinched the Guinness World Record for the largest rubber band ball. The ball, which sits under a tarp in Waul's driveway, is 9,032 pounds, and more than 6 feet tall. (Michael Francis McElroy, S-S / August 3, 2008)

LAUDERHILL - It started with just a few rubber bands.

But four years, $10,000 and more than 700,000 rubber bands later, South Florida resident Joel Waul has clinched the Guinness World Record for the largest rubber band ball.

The ball, which sits under a tarp in Waul's driveway, is 9,032 pounds, and more than 6 feet tall.

The 27-year-old says the ball has been sponsored by two companies so he will add another 4,000 pounds to it.

Waul's ball beats out the current 4,594 pound record.

Waul, who started working on his ball in 2004, says the ball is famous in his neighborhood.

``Some of them don't believe it. Some of them knock on my door when I'm sleeping. They take pictures with it. Stuff like that,'' he said.

[Superstretch18]

I just realized that I have been a little lax in my glorification of everything that is Florida! How dare I!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1121083gas1.html

Florida Boy Arrested For Gas Attack
12-year-old charged after deliberately "breaking wind" in class

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/1121083inside1.jpg
NOVEMBER 21--A 12-year-old Florida student was arrested earlier this month after he "deliberately passed gas to disrupt the class," according to police. The child, who was also accused of shutting off the computers of classmates at Stuart's Spectrum Jr./Sr. High School, was busted November 4 for disruption of a school function. A Martin County Sheriff's Office report, a copy of which you'll find below, notes that the 4' 11" offender admitted that he "continually disrupted his classroom environment by breaking wind and shutting off several computers." The boy, whose name was redacted from the police report released today, was turned over to his mother following the arrest. The young perp turned 13 on November 15.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/1121083gas2.gif

[Superstretch18]

Police Report On Webcam Suicide
"I actually loath my life," victim texted mother before overdose

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1124082biggs1.html

NOVEMBER 24--Hours before broadcasting his suicide live via a webcam, a Florida man sent his mother a text message noting that, "It's not even life is boring, I actually loath my life," according to a police report. Abraham Biggs sent his mother the message at 4:18 AM last Wednesday, hours before the 19-year-old college student killed himself with a drug overdose. Biggs's mother told police that she called her son immediately after receiving the text, but that he "insisted that he was neither depressed nor suicidal and that he planned on going to work with his father." The Pembroke Pines Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find below, notes that a police dispatcher initially advised cops that Biggs "appeared to be down in front of his web cam." Police were reportedly contacted by web cam viewers concerned for Biggs's safety. When a quartet of cops broke into Biggs's locked bedroom, they discovered him dead on the bed. A suicide note was atop his computer keyboard. "It should be noted that both computer screens were on and a web cam was facing the bed and it appeared that he may have broadcast his death on the Internet," police reported. On one of the computer screens were instant messages to an unknown recipient reporting that Biggs had ingested eight Xanax pills, roofies, and Lexapro, an antidepressant. "On the other screen was live chat with [unknown] persons discussing the situation that had just occurred in the deceased's bedroom," according to the report. Biggs's mother Doreen told officers that her son had a long history of depression and tried to commit suicide in September. She also recalled that her son, who suffered from asthma, once "bought a large amount of cigarettes hoping that if he smoked them all it would suffocate him and he would die."

[Superstretch18]

Eucharistic Beast
Florida man busted after stealing 15 Holy Communion wafers

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1110082body1.html

NOVEMBER 10--Meet Jonathan Ricci. The Florida man was arrested Saturday morning after he allegedly tried to steal "a handful of communion wafers" from a priest at a Catholic church in Jensen Beach. Ricci, 33, sought to swipe 15 wafers valued at $1, according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office report, a copy of which you'll find here. During mass at around 9 AM, Ricci accepted a wafer on the Communion line, but "walked away without taking the communion into his mouth." After refusing a priest's requests to "accept" the wafer, Ricci "turned to the priest and grabbed a handful of the wafers from the plate and attempted to leave" St. Martin de Porres Church, according to the report. "Due to the religious significance of the holy communion, the parishioners were very upset at his callous treatment of their holy ritual" and sought to detain him. An "enraged" Ricci then began to act "crazy" and scuffled with parishioners, two of whom (men aged 82 and 66) sustained minor injuries. Ricci, pictured in the below mug shot, was charged with theft, battery, and disrupting a religious assembly.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/1110082body1.jpg

[Superstretch18]

An oldie, but goodie:

Driving While "In-Copulated"
Florida woman--naked in car--busted after crashing into utility pole

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0528081driving1.html

MAY 28--Meet Megan Douglas. The Florida woman, 18, had just finished having sex with a guy in her Toyota Highlander when the vehicle ran off a highway Friday night and struck a road sign and a concrete utility pole. Responding to the crash scene, St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office deputies found an allegedly tipsy Douglas and her male paramour naked, according to a police report, an excerpt of which you'll find below. Douglas explained that she had just had sex with passenger Robert Van Hooser Jr., 27, "but not while the vehicle was in motion." Douglas, who smelled of booze and had slurred speech, claimed that she had only consumed three or four beers before the accident. When a search of her purse turned up a marijuana stash, Douglas, pictured in the mug shot at right, admitted that she "deals it." Charged with drunk driving and pot possession, Douglas was briefly jailed before posting $13,500 bond. Van Hooser, an Indian River Community College student, was not charged for his role in the vehicular frolic.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/0528081inside1.jpg